# 86 (2013) I'm Not Lazy, I'm Just Uninspired

Every time I get a phone call from my agency my heart sinks. Because although I have signed up for admin / office work here in town (my background is as a PA) I know in my heart that the last thing I want to do is get sucked back into some sterile office environment shuffling paper around and trying to deflect office bitchiness between bored secretaries.

I had a temp job back in late Spring and when the six weeks were up I couldn't have been happier. Although to be fair it did lead to more interesting and better paid work two months later.

Sometimes I wonder how I managed 17 years in office work, being enthusiastic and happy. I guess the huge wads of cash I was earning back then sugared a bitter pill. Wages that just don't exist in admin these days. 

The truth of the matter is that despite being a bit short of cash at times as a freelance clothing designer, I would rather be doing this than working the 9 - 5. I am creative at heart and you can't reign that in for long. It needs an outlet. It was why I freelanced whilst I worked full time. But I was less jaded then, less cyncial about the industry and far more enthusiastic about long hours for little money.

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I think if my regular job was industry related I'd be happy with that. But I have no retail experience so one of the areas I'd love to try (working in a fashion retail outlet) probably isn't going to happen any time soon. My other job of choice is as a writer, but who pays for writers these days?

So sometimes I deliberately sabotage my chances of getting temp jobs like not returning phone calls fast enough. Other times I just keep my fingers crossed that I won't get them - which I haven't. The wages are generally appalling, (the tax man makes it almost impossible to believe) and the work is mind numbingly easy. There seems to be no real challenge in office work these days.

In the short term I am still happy muddling along. There is some kind of buzz that I get from not knowing quite where the next pay check is coming from. A big sale (like the one I've just secured) will keep me going for several months but they aren't always so easy to come by. And until the right permanent job comes along (I feel it will somewhere along the line) this is how I'm going to play it.